Game 36: Lyndon B. Johnson vs. Super Bowl XXXVI

  Here is a story of two eager backups thrust by emergency into Number One roles under less than ideal circumstances. Lyndon B. Johnson, who'd never enjoyed being Vice President to John F. Kennedy, was rushed to Dallas and sworn in as the 36th President after Kennedy was shot on November 22, 1963. Novice QB Tom Brady, who'd played in only one NFL game in his career, stepped in as the Patriots' starting quarterback after Drew Bledsoe went down with an injury in Week 2 of the 2001 season.

Johnson had great moments, but he was a one-way player. Domestically he was first-string, maybe a Hall of Fame candidate. His tenure from 1963 to 1969 -- which included a landslide election win in 1964 -- saw passage of landmark legislation including the Civil Rights Act of 1964 outlawing racial discrimination, the Voting Rights Act of '65 banning racist polling rules, and the Public Broadcasting Act of 1967 to create public TV and radio. He launched Medicare, Medicaid, Food Stamps, Head Start, environmental protection laws, the National Endowments for the Arts and the Humanities. Foreign policy was the hole in his game, though. He hated having to devote time and resources to the war in Vietnam. But he refused to lose and increased rather than drew down U.S. involvement. Ultimately it was his frustration with ceaseless war issues, at home and abroad, that led LBJ to choose not to run in 1968.

Tom Brady came up huge in the Patriots emotional 2001 season, which was played in the dark shadow of the 9/11 attacks. With the poise of a veteran, Brady led New England to an unlikely division title. He seemed charmed. The Pats got a break in a snowy playoff versus the Raiders when what looked like a Brady fumble was ruled an incomplete pass, and the Pats kept the ball for a game-tying score.

In Super Bowl XXXVI the Patriots would face the Rams with their relentless passing attack, the "Greatest Show on Turf."  The Rams had led the NFL with 503 points. QB Kurt Warner threw a league-topping 36 TD passes to a receiving corps that included Isaac Bruce, Torry Holt, Az-Zahir Rakim, Ricky Proehl, and running back Marshall Faulk, who also ran for 1,382 yards. But the Pats' defense attacked Warner. CB Ty Law picked off a Warner pass intended for Bruce and took it to the house for New England's first score. After three quarters, the Pats were up 17-3. It wasn't enough. The Rams drove for two touchdowns to tie the score at 17 with 1:30 left. Brady marshaled the Patriots downfield one last time and spiked the ball to stop the clock at the Rams' 24 yard line with 8 seconds left.  Then kicker Adam Vinatieri did it again, nailing a 41-yard FG to ice the game. It was an all-time classic.

LBJ made his mark. The Patriots launched a dynasty. Score this for the Super Bowls.

Score after this match: Presidents 19, Super Bowls 17

Go to next match.

Game 35: John F. Kennedy vs. Super Bowl XXXV

Two unsolved mysteries of the modern age:: The JFK assassination and how Trent Dilfer won a Super Bowl .

Even years later, both the 2000-01 Baltimore Ravens season and John F. Kennedy's brief time in office remain vexing and contradictory. The Ravens weren't a perfect team. Dilfer was an average quarterback. Kennedy was neither a perfect man nor a perfect President.  Did someone once say it's the flaws that make a diamond shine brightest?  No? Ok, never mind.

The Ravens had the NFL's 14th best scoring offense during the regular season. The quarterback who started their season, Tony Banks, threw 8 interceptions in 8 games and had a passer rating of 69.  Dilfer took over after that and threw 11 INTs in 8 games, with a 76.6 rating.  Like Kennedy, the Ravens had a tense October, losing three straight. At one point they went 21 straight quarters without a TD.  

What the Ravens had, probably more so than Kennedy, was strong defense, led by marauding linebacker Ray Lewis. They allowed the fewest points in the NFL. Entering the postseason as a wild card, they allowed just one touchdown in three playoff games, winning 21-3, 24-10 and 16-3.  In SB XXXV the offense did what it needed to do and the D did what it always did.  The Ravens trounced the Giants 34-7.  They intercepted Giants QB Kerry Collins four times.  Did someone once say the best way to win the big game is with big defense?  No? Never mind.

Kennedy was in office for just over two years before his assassination.  He got in as a sort of wild card himself, with a family-funded campaign, some election day chicanery, a narrow margin of victory. Flaws?  His Bay of Pigs attempt to overthrow Fidel Castro was a fiasco. The USSR's Nikita Kruschev got the better of him. The Berlin Wall must have seemed like a good idea at the time. He was a womanizing scoundrel. But JFK was young and telegenic and inspired the nation. He launched the Peace Corps and put muscle behind a  space program that would plant a U.S. flag on the moon. "The torch has passed to a new generation of Americans," he proclaimed.  "Ask not what your country can do for you but what you can do for your country," he suggested. You know, stuff like that.

Apologies to Trent Dilfer and Ray Lewis, but this victory goes to the Presidents.

Score after this match: Presidents 19, Super Bowls 16.

Go to next match.

Game 34: Dwight Eisenhower vs. Super Bowl XXXIV

Hey, we like Ike. He was the President of the 1950s! The President of Elvis and Buddy Holly and Marilyn Monroe and the '57 Chevy. He took us from postwar gray to Happy Days. Got the space race rolling and the Interstate Highway System blasting off. The economy boomed. The suburbs sprawled.  Adults dressed like adults. Good times. Eisenhower probably would have gone for a third term if not for that pesky Constitutional amendment.

Unfortunately, he was the 34th President, and Super Bowl XXXIV, in January 2000, was one of the best ever. The Rams came in as a scoring machine, led by quick-chucking QB Kurt Warner and speedy WRs Torry Holt and Isaac Bruce -- the greatest show on turf. They jumped out to a 16-0 lead. But back came the Titans. QB Steve McNair threw and ran the ball downfield. RB Eddie George punched it in twice. Al Del Greco nailed a field goal with 2:12 left in the game to tie it at 16. On the Rams' first play with the ball back, Warner found Bruce at the Titans' 38-yard, line and Bruce took it home for a 73-yard TD play, putting the Rams ahead 23–16.

In a final drive, Tennessee got the ball at its own ten with 1:54 left. They drove downfield, and with time for just one more play they had it at the Rams' ten. McNair hit WR Kevin Dyson with a quick pass, and Dyson made it to the two-yard line when Rams linebacker Mike Jones made what's now simply known as "The Tackle." He grabbed Dyson's legs and rolled, as Dyson reached the ball as far as he could toward the plane of the goal line. The ball finished inches short of a score as the clock ran out.

And so, to start the fourth quarter of America Bowl, a decade of newly exciting Super Bowl games would begin. Could the Presidents match the excitement and hold onto their lead? Get the popcorn -- we're heading toward a thrilling finish.

Score after this match: Presidents 18, Super Bowls 16

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Game 33: Harry Truman vs. Super Bowl XXXIII

Everybody remembers Wally Pipp, the Yankees first baseman who sat out of the lineup for "one game" in 1925, only to be replaced by Lou Gehrig, who became known as the Iron Man by playing a then-record 2,130 consecutive games. Few remember the man who replaced Gehrig, though. It was Babe Dahlgren (he  had exactly the wrong nickname, too) who played 12 unexceptional seasons for eight teams. What does baseball trivia have to do with John Elway winning his second Super Bowl or with 33rd President Harry Truman? Well, Truman could have been the next Babe Dahlgren, stepping in as a relative nobody for the beloved Iron Man of presidents, Franklin Delano Roosevelt, who like Gehrig became ill after breaking the longevity record, among other highlights. The fact that Truman made a name for himself working in such a long shadow says something - and sets us up for America Bowl Game 33.

The Broncos were supposed to win the big game this time, now 1999, and they did. They beat the Falcons decisively, 34-19.  There was a little bit of drama, some off the field. Atlanta Coach Dan Reeves and Denver coach Mike Shanahan, former colleagues, made some mean pregame statements. The night before the game, Falcons safety Eugene Robinson tried to do the Dirty Bird dance with an undercover police officer, and his arrest became a team distraction. On the field, the Broncos picked off Falcons QB Chris Chandler three times. Elway passed for 336 yards (some of that exploiting a dissipated Robinson), RB Terrell Davis ran for 102, and fullback Howard Griffith punched in two one-yard TDs. 

Former midwestern Senator Truman was a freshly minted vice president when he suddenly took the oath of office upon FDR's death, and many said, "Harry Who?" Addressing the press, he said "I don't know whether you ever had a load of hay fall on you, but when they told me yesterday what had happened, I felt like the moon, the stars and all the planets had fallen on me."  Few expected much from him, although it was a vital time with much to do. Truman was a plainspoken man of action. He dropped two atomic bombs on Japan in 1945 to savagely end that war, then chilled relations with the Soviet Union, pretty much starting the Cold War. Also the Korean War. But his policies did help piece Europe back together after World War II. Domestically, his administration set up the G.I. Bill to help veterans thrive.

Historians rate Truman more kindly than contemporaries did.  For Super Bowl XXXIII, not so much, either then or now. Score this one for the Presidents.

Score after this match (end of 3rd quarter): Presidents 18, Super Bowls 15.

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Game 32: Franklin D. Roosevelt vs. Super Bowl XXXII

In his fourth Super Bowl, at age 37, Broncos quarterback John Elway finally got his winner's ring. The Packers, defending NFL champions, had been favored to win Super Bowl XXXII. Their quarterback, Brett Favre, had been named the league's MVP for a third straight season. But the Broncos came out on top in one of the great upsets in Super Bowl history. For once, Elway could hold that trophy high and shout to his critics: how do you like me now?

 It was close all the way through. Denver Coach Mike Shanahan's blitz-happy defense swarmed Favre. Broncos RB Terrell Davis ran for three touchdowns (that's Mr. TD to you), the last of them breaking a tie with 1:45 left in the game to make the final score Broncos 31, Packers 24. It was all you'd want in a game. Only for Packers fans was it a day that will live in infamy.

  But sorry again, Mr. Elway.  (Do you know your name means "well" in Pig Latin?)  Now you must oppose Franklin Roosevelt, the greatest President of the 20th century. Entering office while the Great Depression was ruining everything, FDR initiated New Deal reforms -- the Works Progress Administration, Social Security -- that got America back on its feet. Though confined to a wheelchair after being stricken with polio, he reminded America that "the only thing we have to fear is fear itself."  He saw the country through World  War II and a decisive beatdown of the Nazis. He was elected to four terms as President, a record that never will be broken. And under his administration Prohibition was repealed -- something all football fans can appreciate.

 Yes, Elway punched his ticket to the Hall of Fame on January 25, 1988. But FDR isn't about to start losing now. With America Bowl getting tighter than ever, score a clutch victory for the Presidents.


Score after this match: Presidents 17, Super Bowls 15

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Game 31: Herbert Hoover vs. Super Bowl XXXI

Here is a crossroads battle, a meeting of two opponents heading in opposite directions.

The once-great Green Bay Packers, entering Super Bowl XXXI in 1997, were resurgent. A generation had passed since the Packers had last been in an NFL title game, Super Bowl II in 1968.  It had been a hard fall. But the Pack had the NFC's best regular-season record and blazed through the playoffs. Now they were on the road to glory again with the biggest prize in sight.

Herbert Hoover entered office in 1929 as the United States began its slide into The Great Depression. The stock market crashed in October. Poorly regulated banks, and then other companies, failed. Soon a quarter of the country was unemployed. The nation spiraled into an abyss. Hoover, a self-made millionaire, seemed neither compassionate nor capable enough to hold back the pain. He served one term and was done.

The Packers and Patriots played it close for a while.  Pats QB Drew Bledsoe matched Packers QB Brett Favre in the first half, as they each tossed two TDs (Favre also ran for a TD to close the half). A New England touchdown toward the end of the third quarter pulled the Patriots within six points, at 27-21. Then the Packers ran away with it -- literally.  Flashy returner Desmon Howard carried the ensuing kickoff 99 yards for a backbreaking touchdown: 35 to 21. That's how it ended. The Patriots' quest to "squeeze the cheese" had failed. Green Bay was riding high once more. Somewhere up there Coach Lombardi was smiling. Score one for the Super Bowls.

Score after this match: Presidents 16, Super Bowls 15

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Game 30: Calvin Coolidge vs. Super Bowl XXX

There's a story, a joke really, about 30th President Calvin Coolidge. Not sure if it's true. Coolidge was famous, even while President, for not talking a lot. If this joke can be trusted, the great wit Dorothy Parker was at a White House dinner, and she said to him: "Mr. President, I made a bet with a friend that I can get more than two words out of you."  He replied: "You lose." Pretty good line. Parker probably made it up. If Coolidge really was that funny, why didn't he blab more, like Howie Mandel?  Coolidge certainly kept things low key in office, and Miss Parker wasn't the only intellect to take note. H.L. Mencken wrote: "There were no thrills while he reigned, but neither were there any headaches. He had no ideas, and he was not a nuisance."

Here's what would have been a good line: if Cowboys cornerback Larry Brown pulled a Coolidge and said "you lose" to the Steelers during Super Bowl XXX. Brown rose from his own sort of quiet obscurity to pick off two Neil O'Donnell passes and help the Cowboys win 27-17.

The 1996 Super Bowl was a decent game. Not a classic. The Steelers never held the lead or even a tie, but things kept threatening to become close. Pittsburgh got to within 3 points, trailing 20-17 in the 4th quarter, and then they sacked Cowboys QB Troy Aikman to force a punt and get the ball back late. But then that  Larry Brown picked off a pass intended for backup WR Andre Hastings and took it to the Steelers' four-yard line. RB Emmitt Smith punched it in for the game-sealing TD. The Cowboys were on their way to being the team of the 1990s.

Brown forever joined the list of "what's his name?" football heroes who will always be remembered for stepping up big when the stakes were highest (for example, remember that other guy?). Coolidge receded forever onto the list of Presidents about whom not much more is remembered than their names. Punch one in for the Super Bowls.

Score after this match: Presidents 16, Super Bowls 14

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Game 29: Warren G. Harding vs. Super Bowl XXIX

In a 1962 survey of historians, Warren G. Harding ranked 31st out of the 31 Presidents who had served up to that time. By 1982, a Chicago Tribune poll placed Harding second to last, edging out William Henry Harrison, who died in office one month after his inauguration. That's like when the Cleveland Browns beat the Detroit Lions.

Harding himself spent only two and a half years on the job, also passing away while in office. He was a charismatic guy and a supporter of civil rights. But things didn't go really well under his watch. That Teapot Dome scandal remains a Superdome of political debacles, still half a page in many U.S. history books.

Super Bowl XXIX, in Miami in 1995, was awful. You might even call it "Hardinglike." In an all-California game, the 49ers creamed the Chargers, 49-26 (ok, it was cool that the 49ers lived up to their name and got 49). Niners QB Steve Young threw for 6 TDs and no interceptions. Yeah, in the Super Bowl. The Chargers made history by scoring the first two-point conversions in a Super Bowl, after two meaningless touchdowns in the second half.  No, not a great game. Not a close game. But sometimes excellence is its own reward. Passing for six touchdowns in the Super Bowl?  Come on.  Score one for the game -- with the Presidents still up a field goal.

Score after this match: Presidents 16, Super Bowls 13

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Game 28: Woodrow Wilson vs. Super Bowl XXVIII

Every so often in life, there occurs an unfathomable coincidence that makes you say: "uh, ok."

Here we go:  In 1913, Thomas Woodrow Wilson becomes the 28th President of the United States. That same year, Thomas E. Wilson, a completely separate person, becomes president of a Chicago meatpacking company called Morris & Co. That same year, 1913, sees the formation of Ashland Manufacturing Co., a business created to market the by-products of slaughterhouses. Stay with me. In 1915, Thomas E. Wilson is appointed president of Ashland, and by 1931 the business's name is changed to the Wilson Sporting Goods Co. After World War II, Wilson himself works with football great Knute Rockne to develop a football made from the finest leather, with lock-stitch seams and triple lining. The Wilson ball eventually is adopted by the National Football League and used, among other places, to play Super Bowl XXVIII in 1994.

Flashback to 1918, while Woodrow Wilson serving his second term: somewhere else completely Ralph J. Wilson Jr. is born. After World War II, Ralph Wilson forms Wilson Industries and later buys into the fledgling American Football League, becoming owner of the Buffalo Bills. By 1994 the Bills have lost three consecutive Super Bowls and are heading into their fourth in a row. That's right, Super Bowl XXVIII, a rematch against the Dallas Cowboys. Get that ball ready.

Flashback to Woodrow Wilson. He gets off to a quick start. In 1913 he creates the Federal Reserve System. He strengthens antitrust laws and sets up a graduated income tax. Then war breaks out in Europe in 1914, and though no one realizes it at first, it's World War I. By the time the U.S. gets involved in 1917, it's almost done. Wilson seeks to create a League of Nations to ensure world peace, but he won't compromise on the details, and the U.S. never joins it.  That fumble sets up the ultimate rematch: World War II.

The Bills got off to a quick start, too. In the first quarter, kicker Steve Christie hit a 54-yard field goal -- a Super Bowl record. An 80-yard touchdown drive put the Bills ahead 10-6, and an interception led to a FG that had Buffalo on top 13-6 at the half. Then the war gods raged and Buffalo faltered. Less than a minute into the second half, Dallas took a Thurman Thomas fumble in for a game-tying TD. The rout was on. The Cowboys won 30-13, and the Bills became the only team in pro sports history to lose four straight championship games. After that the Bills were not in Super Bowls again. Thankfully. You might say that, in President Wilson's words, the AFC side of the Super Bowl was once again "safe for democracy." But this one was was really no contest. The Presidents claim victory in this match.

Score after this match: Presidents 16, Super Bowls 12

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Game 27: William Howard Taft vs. Super Bowl XXVII

Life isn't fair. The monumental Super Bowl III drew its America Bowl match against the monument-inspiring Thomas Jefferson. It's a shame either of them had to lose. Now the mediocre 27th President William H. Taft is matched against one of the lamest Super Bowl games ever, the Cowboys' 52-17 slaughter of the Bills in Super Bowl 27. It's a shame either of them has to win.

There is really little to recommend the ballgame. Buffalo would lose its third straight Super Bowl. The Bills turned the ball over a record nine times, making the Dallas win too easy. Bills quarterback Jim Kelly was injured in the first half and left the game. The second Bills TD shouldn't even have counted, because backup QB Frank Reich clearly had a foot over the line of scrimmage when he threw it. Cowboys QB Troy Aikman actually ran for more yards than Bills RB Thurman Thomas. Near the merciful end, Cowboys DT Leon Lett picked up a fumble and was about to make the score 58-17, but angry Bills WR Don Beebe raced up to him and smacked the ball out of his hand at the one-yard line. That's the kind of game it was. Just a frustrating smack.

Taft was no thriller either. He's famous for, well, being obese. He reportedly ate a dozen eggs, a pound of bacon, and stack of pancakes for breakfast. And then it was lunch time. But, coming between Roosevelt and Wilson, all he really needed to do was fill the space for four years. Oh, he sure did. Life isn't fair. Again we ask the tiebreaker question: if you had to re-live either the Taft years or Super Bowl XXVII, which would you choose? We award this point to the Presidents.

Score after this match: Presidents 15, Super Bowls 12

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Game 26: Theodore Roosevelt vs. Super Bowl XXVI

There's something happening here. What it is ain't exactly clear.

Scene 1: Circa 1883. Theodore Roosevelt is in a field with a rifle, killing buffalo.

Scene 2: Super Bowl 26, in 1992. Washington is on the field, killing Buffalo.

Scene 3: September 5, 1901. William McKinley, the 25th President of the United States, is in Buffalo, N.Y., attending an exposition. There's a man with a gun over there! McKinley is shot and killed. Vice president Theodore Roosevelt is rushed to Buffalo, where he is sworn in as U.S. President number 26. Then he goes to Washington.

Stranger things have happened in America than this bizarre and somewhat macabre confluence of Buffalo-linked events. But not many. We're still putting the pieces together. We do know that at one point, after he got to Washington, President Roosevelt threatened to ban football. At the time, people said it was because he believed the sport too violent. But maybe, just maybe he had a sense something bigger was in the air. Maybe he heard distant echoes of a future warp in time, and he tried to yell Stop! Hey, what's that sound? Everybody look what's going down!

Super Bowl XXVI was a Buffalo slaughter, a disaster for the Bills. The Redskins were up 17-0 at halftime and 24-0 before the Bills even got on the scoreboard. Only two meaningless Buffalo touchdowns in the last quarter, putting the final tally at 37-24, made the game even seem close. Or were they meaningless?

Teddy Roosevelt's achievements in office from 1901 to 1909 have been well documented by the authorities. He was wildly popular and used his "bully pulpit" to advocate strong action and get results. He took on big business monopolies and busted those trusts. He conserved 150 million acres of national forest and the wildlife living in it. He initiated construction of the Panama Canal and won a Nobel Peace Prize for arbitrating the end of the Russo-Japanese War. At least for our purposes here, there is no mystery. Send this case to the X-Files, but put it in the winner's column for the Presidents.

Score after this match: Presidents 14, Super Bowls 12

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Game 25: William McKinley vs. Super Bowl XXV

The lesson of America Bowl Game 25 is a bitter one, but a lesson best not forgotten -- a cautionary tale of how things that begin with success and promise can suddenly, unexpectedly, go wrong. William McKinley, America's 25th President, was still celebrating election to his second term in office when he was shockingly slain by an assassin in 1901. The Buffalo Bills rode into Super Bowl 25 seemingly untouchable, having won the AFC Championship game 51-3. Then they lost the Super Bowl when a field goal attempt by Scott Norwood, with eight seconds on the clock, sailed "wide right." The punch that hurts the most is the one you never saw coming.

The Bills indeed seemed unassailable. Their offense had scored the most points in the NFL during the 1990 regular season. QB Jim Kelly was the league's highest rated passer; RB Thurman Thomas was top NFL rusher. The D was led by tenacious defensive end Bruce Smith, second in the NFL in sacks. The Bills were 13-3 in the regular season, and in squashing the Raiders in the AFC title game had 6 interceptions and 7 touchdowns. They entered the Super Bowl as 7-point favorites over the Giants.

McKinley won the elections of 1896 and 1900 by giant margins, both times over multi-election loser William Jennings Bryan. Like the poster says, McK's theme was "Propserity at Home, Peace Abroad." He worked hard on both. In 1898, Spain apparently sunk the USS Maine, and it was time for the Spanish-America War. At home, McKinley was pro-business, defending high tariffs to protect domestic producers (a stance he later relaxed) and defending the gold standard. The nation was in transition, becoming more industrial. In the end, when McKinley seemed to be sitting pretty, it was a disgruntled mill worker who shot him.

Super Bowl XXV was a true test of wills that became more thrilling as it went on. The Bills led 12-10 at halftime, and them the lead started changing hands like a $10 poker chip. The Giants pulled ahead 17-12 on an O.J. Anderson TD. The Bills went back out front 19-17 on a Thomas run. Matt Bahr's second field goal nudged the Giants back ahead 20-19. With the clock ticking down, the Bills drove downfield until the Giant stopped them at the 30 yard line with 8 seconds left, and Norwood lined up for a 47-yard game-winning field goal. Wide right. Game over. Giants win. An unexpected end for Buffalo, but an epic, America-Bowl-point-winning game. Look out, here come the Super Bowls.

Score after this match: Presidents 13, Super Bowls 12.

Go to next match.

Game 24: Grover Cleveland vs. Super Bowl XXIV

Here is what America lives for: the comeback. As the 22nd President, Grover Cleveland lost America Bowl Game 22, leaving the presidents with a narrow two-point lead at halftime. Now, here he was back in the saddle and gunning for revenge -- as 24th President. Yes, Cleveland was the only U.S. President ever, in any weight class, to regain the title. He was 22nd President from 1885 to 1889, then got robbed in 1888 -- he received the most votes for 23rd President but lost by electoral vote to Benjamin Harrison. Now look who's back.

Super Bowl 24 returned deep experience, too. Joe Montana, quarterback for the 49ers, was 3-0 in Super Bowls already. Broncos QB John Elway was 0-3. By the time these two men were done, no quarterback had started more Super Bowl games. But could Elway come back from defeat and achieve vindication? Could Cleveland?

For Elway, well, apparently not. SB XXIV was the crushing slaughter that prior Broncos Super Bowls foretold, and one of the least competitive Super Bowls ever. The Broncos entered the game with the NFL's best defense, but they couldn't prevent the 49ers from scoring two touchdowns in each quarter (that's eight total), smashing all kinds of records en route to a 55-10 Bronco-bashing. Montana equaled Terry Bradshaw with a 4-0 lifetime Super Bowl tally. He became the first three-time Super Bowl MVP and set a new record with 5 TD passes before he was lifted from the game for 49ers backup Steve Young (who years later would break that record). Elway would need to wait for his day.

Here was Cleveland's chance for redemption, matched against a lousy game. Could he do it? His second term began in 1893 with a stock market panic. Soon banks and railroads were closing and jobs were being lost. Cleveland thought it would help to repeal the Sherman Silver Purchase Act, taming inflation. In foreign policy, he stood his ground, forcing Britain to accept arbitration over some disputed territory in Venezuela. Cleveland didn't make much history in his return to the big stage. But in the end he was more presidential than this Super Bowl was Super. Score a close one for the Presidents.

Score after this game: Presidents 13, Super Bowls 11.

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Game 23: Benjamin Harrison vs. Super Bowl XXIII

Time does funny things. It softens us up when we're alive. After we are gone, it can soften the reputations we leave behind. Benjamin Harrison for a long time was lumped in with all the late-1800s, post-Reconstruction Presidents as a bunch of lawyers who didn't do much during a time when the nation slowly became more businesslike. He was called a "human iceberg." Teddy Roosevelt said of Harrison, "he is a cold-blooded, narrow-minded, prejudiced, obstinate, timid psalm-singing Indianapolis politician." (Indianapolis, ouch. Maybe Teddy was thinking of Colts receiver Marvin Harrison). But time has done its business. Some modern historians give Ben Harrison high marks for making strides in foreign policy, like the time he set up Samoa as the first American protectorate, and advocated for a canal in Central America, and nailed down various other overseas treaties. It's something, anyway.

How has time treated Super Bowl XXIII? Look, let's be honest: at this point for most people, all the Super Bowls of the 1980s and 1990s pretty much blend together. This 1989 game was pretty representative of the time, a rematch between the 49ers and Bengals. But this one was exceptionally super-duper. In a game that went down to the last minute, it was 49ers 20, Bengals 16. Cincinnati led three different times, once on a crazy 98-yard kickoff return by -- who? -- Stanford Jennings. San Franciso kept tying it up but never held a lead until the final minute. Down 16-13 with about three minutes left, the 49ers took the ball at their own 8-yard line, and went 92 yards in 11 plays, mostly passes from QB Joe Montana to WR Jerry Rice and RB Roger Craig. They took the lead on a 10-yard pass to WR John Taylor with 34 seconds remaining. It was a classic, finally a Super Bowl worthy of the name. Another Harrison bites the dust.

Score after this match: Presidents 12, Super Bowls 11 

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HALFTIME SHOW!

Game 22: Grover Cleveland vs. Super Bowl XXII

Not to confuse the point of this exercise, but this is about as close as Cleveland has gotten to a Super Bowl. Unfortunately, it's Grover Cleveland. Look, nothing against Grover Cleveland's presidency, in this case his first go-around in the White House. He put up decent numbers and remains in the record books. He won the popular vote three times -- 1884, 1888, and 1892. But Washington gets the better of President Cleveland here -- and by Washington here we mean the Redskins.

The Redskins broke all kinds of records while busting the Broncos, 42-10. They set Super Bowl records for most TDs in a game (6), most offensive yards (602), and most rushing yards (280), most of that running footage gained by unheralded rookie Timmy Smith, who put up a new Super Bowl rushing record with 204 yards (and 2 TDs). The Broncos has been preparing to defend the run against the big Redskins RB George Rogers, but agile Smith got the start instead, and he blew their minds. Redskins QB Doug Williams became the first African-American QB to win a Super Bowl. Pretty good stuff. Sorry, Grover. The Super Bowls pick up another America Bowl point here - and now they're in striking distance.

Score at halftime: Presidents 12, Super Bowls 10

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Game 21: Chester A. Arthur vs. Super Bowl XXI

Every so often a man is thrust into the spotlight unexpectedly. A few rise to the occasion and shine. Others do not -- and turn the light to darkness. This is the story of two of those men, Phil Simms and Chester A. Arthur.

The 1986 Giants had dominated the NFC but had done it mostly on the ground. Halfback Joe Morris averaged more than 100 yards a game and finished third in the NFL in rushing. At quarterback for New York, Phil Simms, in his 7th season, seemed like a journeyman. In 1986 he had a wobbly 74.6 passer rating and a workmanlike 55 percent completion percentage. Yet in the Giants first Super Bowl appearance, matched against Denver's young gunslinger John Elway, how Simms glowed. He completed 22 of 25 passes (88 percent, the best in postseason ever) for three TDs and no interceptions. His passer rating of 150.9 doubled his regular season mark. The Giants, who trailed 10-9 at halftime, came back to blast the Broncos 17-0 in the 3rd quarter and win 39-20. Simms' star was born.

Chester Arthur perhaps was not meant for such greatness. He'd been installed as vice president under James Garfield and was expected to maintain a low profile. Then in 1881 Garfield was slain by an assassin's bullet, and the cordial, mutton-chopped Arthur was pressed into duty. He was, by most accounts, adequate. He surprised critics who feared he'd be corrupt by not being as corrupt as they expected. But he never took his game to the next level.

Simms and Arthur. Some say it isn't really a fair comparison. But when all is said and done, and all the dice have been rolled, this victory most clearly belongs to the Super Bowls.

Score after this match: Presidents 12, Super Bowls 9.

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Game 20: James Garfield vs. Super Bowl XX

We are the Bears Shufflin' Crew
Shufflin' on down, doin' it for you.
We're so bad we know we're good.
Blowin' your mind like we knew we would.
You know we're just struttin' for fun
Struttin' our stuff for everyone.
We're not here to start no trouble.
We're just here to do the Super Bowl Shuffle.

The American music scene in 1985 was not good. Stop me when I get to one of 1985's top songs that you ever want to hear again. Careless Whisper. Like a Virgin. I Want to Know What Love Is. Out of Touch. Crazy For You. Easy Lover. Can't Fight This Feeling. Saving All My Love For You. Wake Me Up Before You Go Go. The Power of Love. You're the Inspiration. Right, it just gets worse. The members of the 1985 Chicago Bears who put on pads and game tights to record a video for Super Bowl Shuffle probably figured, look, how bad could it be? We couldn't possibly make something as soul-draining as We Built This City or The Heat is On. Well, they were wrong. In retrospect, the only plausible explanation is that the 1985 Bears were so confident about what they could do on the football field, they just didn't care what they looked like anywhere else.

The Bears went 15-1 during the regular season. They didn't allow a single point in either the divisional playoff or the NFC Championship game. Their defense was paced by nails-tough linebacker Mike Singletary and a 300-pound rookie defensive tackle named simply The Refrigerator. The offense was driven by sassy QB Jim McMahon and Hall of Fame RB Walter Payton. Nobody even knows who was on the Patriots. The Pats scored first in Super Bowl XX, but very quickly after that the game was gone. The Bears led 23-3 at the half and outscored New England 21-0 in the 3rd quarter, the last of those TDs on a 1-yard run by the Fridge himself. The game ended 46-10. There is something to be said for utter dominance, and also (in retrospect) for anything that humbles the Patriots. But this game was like a movie with interesting characters and a horrible script. You know, like Star Wars Episode 2: Attack of the Clones.

James Garfield was in office for a total of six months in 1881. As a Congressman before the Civil War, he wanted to free the slaves and confiscate slave-owners' estates. As president he made mistakes -- there was questionable money he took for backing a certain government contract -- but he was thoughtful. His big issue was money, that to be legitimate it needed to be tied to gold and not just printed up on whatever scrap paper the U.S. Mint had lying around. Then a disgruntled office seeker shot him. Hey, nobody's putting Garfield in the Hall of Fame. But all he really had to do was make it past the part where he swore "to the best of my abilities" to beat this dud of a Super Bowl game.

Score after this match: Presidents 12, Super Bowls 8.

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Game 19: Rutherford B. Hayes vs. Super Bowl XIX

Rutherford B. Hayes and Super Bowl 19 had hated each other for years. Super Bowl 19 taunted Hayes for losing the popular vote of 1876 and weaseling into office by one measly electoral vote. Hayes, in turn, labeled the 1985 game, in which the 49ers beat the Dolphins 38-16, "immeasurably calamitous." There was some serious bad blood.

The game indeed wasn't that exciting. Niners QB Joe Montana was too good for Miami, passing for 3 TDs and a Super Bowl record 331 yards. Dolphins QB Dan Marino would lose in his only Super Bowl appearance.

President Hayes came in with a good game plan, but you know what they say: game plans go out the window the first time you get hit. Hayes went in seeking a fairer shake for Indians and former slaves. But the states and Congress foiled his intentions. He allowed Jim Crow laws to spread across the South. He sent federal troops to shoot at striking railroad workers. Where did it go wrong? In the end Hayes could only blame himself. Score one for the Super Bowls.

SCORE AFTER THIS MATCH: Presidents 11, Super Bowls 8


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Game 18: Ulysses S. Grant vs. Super Bowl XVIII

How good were the Raiders? Somebody said that over the prior 20 years they had been the winningest team in all of pro sports. Seriously? They did charge hard in Super Bowl XVIII, a game that legendary NFL Films voice John Facenda called "not only a game but a true test of men." (Just like being President.) It finished as the most lopsided Super Bowl to date: Raiders 38, Redskins 9.

The Raiders -- for the time based in Los Angeles -- scored the first touchdown on a blocked punt and never let up. Marcus Allen ran for 191 yards (a new record), including a dazzling 74-yard TD run in the third quarter. After that, TV announcer Pat Summerall said: "The Raiders are starting to shove this one in the winner's column!" On D, the Raiders held Redskins star RB John Riggins to 64 yards. They sacked Redskins QB Joe Theismann six times and intercepted him twice. That included a deadly dagger by one-hit wonder Jack Squirek, a reserve linebacker who, inserted for one play by coaches who anticipated a Washington screen pass, picked off the pass and loped into the end zone.

Ulysses S. Grant was a war hero for the Union Army but hardly a Super President. He associated with the wrong guys and listened to bad advice. His administration oversaw scandals the way a cashier at CVS oversees gum. But Grant did preside over reconstruction and defended civil rights. He served two terms -- even went for a three-peat (unsuccessfully). Look, we've had better. He probably wasn't the right man for a desk job. But Grant beat the pants off that mismatch Super Bowl game. Shove this one in the winner's column for the Presidents.

SCORE AFTER THIS MATCH: Presidents 11, Super Bowls 7


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Game 17: Andrew Johnson vs. Super Bowl XVII

You gotta figure the Super Bowls were licking their chops when they saw Andrew Johnson coming up on the America Bowl schedule. Especially coming off their butt-kicking by Abraham Lincoln. Johnson? The first president to be impeached? Bring him on.

One thing to understand is that Johnson's impeachment was political, not a result of a crime or scandal. It's not like A.J. wouldn't have messed up at any period in history. But he was unfortunate to be stepping into the hot seat immediately after Lincoln, and right after the Civil War. That's like going on stage after Susan Boyle. The country was a mess. The Southern states needed to be reincorporated. Johnson apparently was way too eager to make peace. He put up with Southern policies that didn't respect the rights of freed slaves. Radical Republicans in Congress were mad, and they impeached him in 1868, charging him with violating some bogus law they just passed. He was acquitted by one vote in the Senate. Johnson, as they say, got waxed.

Super Bowl XVII didn't need to be an ESPN Classic to beat that. After a weird, strike shortened, nine-game season, the Redskins took their first NFL title, beating the Dolphins 27-17 (the Fins had beaten the Skins in SB VII). The game was tight. Miami led at the half, scoring early on two super-long plays including Fulton Walker's 98-yard kick-return TD, the first in Super Bowl history. Then Washington's Hogs took over. They blew Miami off the line of scrimmage and brought forth a pounding old-school running attack. RB John Riggins sealed the deal on a fourth-and-one in the fourth quarter, bouncing off a tacker to the left and breaking free for a 43-yard TD run, en route to breaking the Super Bowl game rushing record with 166 yards.

There's only one song to sing after this one: Hail to the Chief Redskins!

SCORE AFTER THIS MATCH: Presidents 10, Super Bowls 7

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Game 16: Abraham Lincoln vs. Super Bowl XVI

Joe Montana led the 49ers to an impressive 26-21 win over the Bengals, passing for one TD and running for one -- but he didn't free the slaves.

The game was among the most widely watched television broadcasts in American history, and it featured the debut of the Telestrator -- but it didn't hold a fractured nation together through a Civil War.

San Francisco's 20-0 halftime lead was the largest shutout lead at halftime in Super Bowl history -- but it didn't deliver The Gettysburg Address.

Look, we could go on. We could figure out some formula to prove that fourscore and seven years beats two touchdowns and four field goals. But hey, the world will little note, nor long remember, what we say here. Super Bowl XVI was pretty good. President 16 was pretty great. With malice toward none -- and in this we include the Bengals -- it's Abraham Lincoln in a walkover.

Score after this match-up: Presidents 10, Super Bowls 6

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Game 15: James Buchanan vs. Super Bowl XV

The Eagles, like James Buchanan, came all the way from Pennsylvania to the nation's biggest stage, only to embarrass themselves. The Raiders stormed to a first-quarter 14-0 lead over Philly in Super Bowl 15, and that was all the black-and-silver horde needed to go home with the Lombardi trophy. Dick Vermeil's birds just couldn't rise to the occasion. Eagles QB Ron Jaworski went 18 for 38 with 3 INTs. Raiders QB Jim Plunkett threw for 3 touchdowns, two of them airmailed via his "branch office" to Cliff Branch. Very nice. Still, it ended 27-10. If the measure of a good game is its competitiveness, this one was too microscopic to measure with one of those standard wooden yardsticks.

On the other hand, Buchanan choked like he was losing in Brazilian jiu-jitsu to Royce Gracie. A 2009 C-SPAN poll ranked Buchanan last place among Presidents. He presided over the nation's plunge toward Civil War. He promised not to run again in his inaugural address. Then he gladly got out of Dodge when Lincoln took over. I'm outta here! See you on the History Channel!

This clash of mediocrity cannot be settled in regulation time. We extend into overtime, where, according to America Bowl rules, we consider the intangibles. After the Super Bowl, NFL commissioner Pete Rozelle had to force a smile for the cameras while he handed the championship hardware to Al Davis, whom he'd hated ever since their bitter NFL-AFL rivalry. You gotta love such a classic post-game moment. Score another point for the Super Bowls.

SCORE AFTER THIS MATCH: Presidents 9, Super Bowls 6

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Game 14: Franklin Pierce vs. Super Bowl XIV

Franklin Pierce entered office with his equilibrium a bit off and never really got his balance. He was brooding. Maybe he figured he could get by on looks. Historian James A. Rawley calls Pierce "perhaps the most handsome president....with opaque gray eyes." Who do you think should play Pierce in the movie? James Franco? Kate Blanchett? (Do you think Rawley was looking at a black-and-white photo?) Unfortunately, Pierce suffered from a fatal flaw that has hampered several of the nation's commanders-in-chief: he was bad at it. He caved in to pro-slavery interests as the nation hurtled toward civil war. He tried to acquire Cuba, a move that -- hand me that map for a second -- looks like didn't work. Pierce lost his bid for his party's renomination -- as a sitting president.

Super Bowl 14, meanwhile, turns out to be Steelers-Rams. The lead changes six times before Pittsburgh puts it away with two TDs in the final frame. Niiiice. Steelers QB Terry Bradshaw chucks a 73-yard TD pass to John Stallworth and a 47-yarder to Lynn Swann, setting new career Super Bowl records for most touchdown passes (9) and passing yards (932). Franco Harris, the Franco who really makes a difference here, runs for two TDs. Finally, someone's putting some super in the bowl. Put this in the record books as a win for the SB XIV.

SCORE AFTER THIS MATCH: Presidents 9, Super Bowls 5.


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Game 13: Millard Fillmore vs. Super Bowl XIII

Millard Fillmore, right? No respect. Fillmore was never elected President. He snuck into office when Taylor passed away in 1850. Fillmore didn't even get his party's nomination when the next election did come around. He was the last Whig to be a President. As part of the Compromise of 1850 he signed the Fugitive Slave Act, which declared that all runaway slaves be brought back to their masters. We can do better.

Super Bowl 13 was not bad. Steelers QB Terry Bradshaw, the game's MVP, tossed some sweet passes to Lynn Swann and John Stallworth. Dallas almost made it close with two unanswered TDs in the fourth quarter to bring the score to 35-31. Unlike Fillmore, this game had its own goat: Dallas's Hall of Fame tight end Jackie Smith, who dropped a pass in the end zone in the third quarter, forcing the Cowboys to settle for a field goal instead of a TD, in a game the Boys lost by four points. Ouch! Smith retired before the next season and is believed to be the last Whig tight end in Cowboys history. This hard fought victory goes to the Super Bowl.

SCORE AFTER THIS MATCH: Presidents 9, Super Bowls 4.


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Game 12: Zachary Taylor vs. Super Bowl XII

Little is known about either Zachary Taylor or Super Bowl 12. Here's what we do know.

Taylor was a 40-year military veteran who had become a national hero fighting against Mexico. This was the first Super Bowl to be played in prime time and was watched by 102,010,000 viewers, the largest audience ever for a sporting event. Taylor was known as "Old Rough and Ready" because he was up for anything, and because nicknames back then often started with "Old" regardless of age. The game matched Dallas's "Doomsday Defense" against Denver's "Orange Crush." Taylor was in office only for about 16 months. On July 4, 1850, he attended a ceremony connected with the construction of the Washington Monument. He felt hot, reportedly, so drank a bunch of water, then ate cherries and drank "iced milk." That night he got gastroenteritis and a fever. He died on July 9. The big game was sloppy -- it featured 10 fumbles and 4 interceptions, all of the INTs thrown by Broncos QB Craig Morton. Denver didn't score in the first half, and the result was never much in doubt, as the Cowboys won easily, 27-10. For a game that so many people watched, it was pretty poor excuse for entertainment. That's 1978 network prime time for you. But prior to dying, Taylor had done most of the legwork to get California admitted to the U.S., as a non-slave state.

Who wins? Look at it this way: if you could live through either another Taylor Presidency or another Cowboys Super Bowl blowout, which would you choose? Think hard. That's right. We're thinking ABC: Anything But Cowboys. Victory Taylor.

SCORE AFTER THIS MATCH: Presidents 9, Super Bowls 3

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